As you may know I love a pirate gag and constantly wind my boys up with continually worse and worse jokes.
Well they had to take all the abuse back last week when one of my pirate jokes became a prize winning pirate joke. The local theatre were promoting an upcoming comedy gig and offered 2 tickets for the funniest joke they received via Twitter. I entered and won!
So here is my award winning Pirate joke.
Where do pirates go for their holidays
Yaaaarrrrrmouth (for anyone not from the UK its a coastal resort, which sort of diminishes the joke when you have to explain the punch line but hey ho)
My wife thinks it was the only entry they received!!!!!!
At the end of the 90’s I was made redundant and decided I wasn’t going to get another job I was going to be a cartoonist. I had no skill in drawing but I could write a gag so as the wife was suitably employed we decided I could give it a go.
It took awhile to develop a style but I got published fairly quickly and fairly regularly so I was at least paying some of the bills. The majority of my work was published in The Sun which needs no explaining to a British audience but to the rest of the world is the UK’s worst tabloid newspaper. But hey they bought cartoons and they paid for them, but it also explains the type and level of humour of the time. The Sun hasn’t moved on much but I hope I have.
Overtime I got published in more upmarket publications like The Spectator, Punch, Private Eye and The Oldie. I also had a regular column in a couple of magazines and the Harlequins rugby club matchday programme.
I used to draw and write at least ten gags a day and would spend the rest of my time mailing them out to all and sundry and then waiting for the postman to arrive each morning to see what if any had sold. I had great days where I would sell 5 or 6 and then others without a sniff but boy what a way to spend your working day. I even became a member of a club, The Cartoonist Club of Great Britain, and attended meetings in London in a pub off Fleet Street.
This happily continued for about three years and for the last year I was a stay at home Dad looking after my son and writing gags about nappies and food splattered walls. It was an even easier job when the punchlines actually developed around you.
But like all good things it came to an end and it was time to re-enter the normal world of work. That though is a whole different story.
So I know its not high art and its not going to hang in any gallery but it was great to know it might have made someone smile on their way to work. It’s also a buzz when your niece tells you that someone was laughing at one of my jokes and she proudly told them “He’s my Uncle”.
And it also gave me a chance to draw a pirate joke!
I apologies for the quality of the images as they are scanned straight from the original newspapers they were published in. Even I have got time to look through a few thousand cartoons to find the originals.
As last Friday was International Talk like a Pirate Day the worlds third funniest joke got told many a time. It’s a classic Dad joke and it got me thinking about the whole Dad joke concept. A bit like Dad dancing it just happens when you have kids and the best bit is the more kids you have the more Dad jokes you seem to know. One day you don’t know any and as soon as that little bundle of joy arrives your head is full of the greatest cheesiest jokes known (only) to man. Mum’s don’t have mum jokes, they’re too busy being mum’s and ensuring that bundle of joy survives to hear all Dad’s belters. And the only person who laughs at Dad jokes is the teller, chuckling away while their offspring roll their eyes and go back to Minecraft. But that doesn’t stop us and just encourages us to tell them over and over again.
So what is the third funniest joke in History?
Q Why are Pirates called Pirates?
A They just aaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
As a family we recently went to London to see the poppies at the Tower of London and the book benches scattered around the city. We had a great day, visited most of the tourist attractions and walked miles on one of Steves’ whimsical tours. A good time was had by all which was topped off by an hour with my youngest on the train back making up Pirate jokes. It was Dad joke heaven, my son and most of the train carriage groaned in unison as I found my zenith of pirate infused comedy genius.
I leave you with a couple of the highlights and one day I promise to reveal the second funniest joke in the world. The funniest is too dangerous I’m afraid.